Network Marketing

The Case for Compassion

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A lot of people fear compassion.  They look at all the suffering, injustice, and hardship in the world, and are afraid that if they allow themselves to experience compassion, it will overwhelm them.

I get that. It’s easy to start thinking you have enough issues of your own to deal with, and think you don’t have any energy leftover for this additional suffering. Even if you don’t watch the news, your Facebook and Twitter feed will send you such a steady diet of tragedies, calamities and heartbreak, it can seem that the world is falling apart.

But I would argue that closing yourself off in defense, is an immense mistake…

It’s true that when you empathize with someone experiencing hardship, you do feel some mental discomfort.  You “share” their pain with them in a sense.  But consciously doing this takes courage, and exercising that courage sends a very positive message to your self-esteem.  And here’s the real bonus…

The first beneficiary of showing compassion is always yourself.


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The Language of Perpetual Victims…

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In yesterday’s post, I promised to reveal how you can tell if someone – including you – is a professional victim.  The fastest tip off is the language they use.

People who are professional victims delight in using expressions like these:

I’m always a day late and a dollar short.

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

 All the good guys are married or gay. (Unless you’re gay. Then it’s, “all the good guys are married or straight.”)

 Why am I always the last one to know?

 I’m always the last hired, and the first fired.

They like to think they’re just being clever and self-depreciating when they say things like this.  But in truth, they’re wallowing in victim-hood, and avoiding taking responsibility for their own life.

So, what do you think?  Please share your thoughts below.

Have an abundant weekend.  I’ll check in on the other side…


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The Clues of Victimhood…

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In yesterday’s post we looked at people who become attached to the role of perpetual victim.  You can easily recognize them by the clues they give you. They simply delight in being oppressed, used, or taken advantage of.  They use being exploited as a substitute for healthy self-esteem.  They wear being victimized almost as a badge of honor.

Because they have low self-esteem, they proudly use their negative circumstances as a way to justify their worthiness.  (I do a deep dive on the mind viruses behind this crazy but common phenomenon in my book, Why You’re Dumb, Sick and Broke…And How to Get Smart, Healthy and Rich!)

This perverse behavior is some of the most negative, unhealthy and dysfunctional bullshit people can ever subject themselves to.  Eventually they end up actually manifesting and attracting worse treatment – to justify this perverted vision they have of themselves.

In their mind:

Victimized = Sympathetic

Besieged = Compassionate

Oppressed = Noble

So how do you know if someone – including yourself – is a professional victim, working subconsciously to remain in this role?

I’ll show you in tomorrow’s post. Until then, please share your thoughts below.


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Are You a Professional Victim?

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In the last post I said that once you let your attachment to something override your ability to question a premise or perform critical thinking – all learning, progress and growth stop.  Attachments can also hurt you in other ways.  Let’s explore the issue…

Believe it or not, millions of people get “attached” to a role they play in life, and make it a permanent reality.  This could include roles like being Sam’s wife, the class clown, or even the guy with all the cool sports cars.  (I wouldn’t know anything about that last one.)

One of the most frequent examples of this you’ll see are the people who become “professional” victims.

Unfortunately, there can be a lot of rewards and payback for being a victim.

  • Some people need contrived drama to feel stimulated.
  • Some need attention and allow themselves to become professional victims in order to receive that attention.
  • Others are emotionally crippled, unable to accept love.  And they only thing they can accept in its place is attention, sympathy, or pity.
  • Many are infected with negative memes about money and success, so they subconsciously self-sabotage themselves trying to feel worthy.
  • Others are infected with negative memes from organized religion, to believe they are meant to suffer here, and only receive their reward in the afterlife – provided they suffer “enough” here.

As a result of all this, millions of people have actually become attached to the idea that they are perpetual victims.

These people are easily recognized by the clues they give you. Which we’ll look at on the next post…

In the meantime, please share any thoughts below you have on the subject.


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The Danger of Attachment

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In yesterday’s post, I metaphorically slapped you upside the head, sharing some thoughts on why people don’t change.  Let’s explore that deeper…

It really gets back to attachment. Scientist Francisco Varela said that he doesn’t like to get too attached to his own field of research, because he’s afraid that will distort his ability to access other evidence objectively.  That is great advice for not only scientists, but you and I as well.

Let’s explore an example of how this comes into play…

If you follow me on Instagram, you saw last week I posted a picture of the book I was reading.  It was Beyond Religion by the Dalai Lama.  On of my friends asked me why I was reading it, because he knows I am an atheist.

And that demonstrates one of the most serious issues in the world today…

The “confirmation bias cocoon” most people choose to live in.

My friend assumed that because I am an atheist, I would only read books by other atheists perhaps?  Or as an atheist, I would never read a book by a spiritual leader?

And sadly, this is true for most people.  The attachment they have to a certain belief means they only read or expose themselves to information that supports their attachment.

There are religious people who would never read a book by an atheist.  (And probably some who will stop reading my blog, upon learning of my new beliefs.)

I’ve seen countless people on Facebook advise their followers that if they voted for Trump to unfollow them.  And an equal number post that if someone voted for Hillary to unfollow them.


This kind of thinking is such a tragedy.  Because once you let your attachment to something override your ability to question a premise or perform critical thinking – all learning, development, and growth stop.

You give up this amazing gift of living as a sentient being, and instead become a brain-dead zombie.  The highlight of your remaining years then becomes liking posts on Facebook that support your limiting beliefs, prejudices, and preconceptions.

Another way attachment can harm you is when you allow it to define a certain role for you.   As an example, when you create an attachment to being a victim.  Which is where we will pick up tomorrow….

Until then, love to see your thoughts on all this below.


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Becoming a Better Version of You

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If you’re not actively committed to creating a better version of you – then life is a pretty shallow, boring, and narcissistic existence.   The fact is, we all feel better when we know we’re improving ourselves.

So why don’t more people work on improving themselves?

I could write a few books on the subject (actually now that I think about it, I have), but if you want to really zero in on the essence of it, the very…




It is this:

The reason we don’t like to make changes, develop more wisdom, banish our ignorance, or even simply learn something new – is because that changes you into a new version of you – which conflicts with the old version of you.



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Improving Yourself

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Improving yourself isn’t always easy.  But it’s certainly not as difficult as a lot of people lead themselves to believe.  It works great if you follow an incremental process.

Don’t try and lose 40 pounds in a month.  You set yourself up for frustration and failure.  Better to create healthy eating and exercise habits that allow you to lose 3 pounds a week.

Don’t attempt to go from high school dropout to winning the Nobel Prize in physics.  Create a curiosity for learning.

No one really creates their future with a snap of their fingers or even setting a positive vision.  You really create your daily habits, and they create your future.

Look for habits that don’t serve you.  Replace them with ones that do.  Rehearse and practice those habits until they become second nature.  Then the path you’re on will take you to where you want to be.


– RG

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Surrounding Yourself with Amazing People…

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Yesterday we explored how people live in fantasy states and prevent themselves from creating prosperous relationships around them.  So once you accept reality – how do you attract people around you who have your highest good in mind, and are actually able to help you become a better person?  (And you, them?)

You can’t present facades.  You have got to allow yourself to be vulnerable.  You can’t maintain the “social media you” with the real friends in your life.  And you have to be courageous enough to ask for help.

When I was in the throes of my crystal meth addiction, I don’t think anyone close to me was aware of it.  Like the vast majority of addicts, I was a functioning one.  I was maintaining my social media facade, and it almost killed me.

You saw the Oscars last week?  Not one of those winners for best actors could hold a candle to an addict.  Why?  Because we are acting for our lives.  (Or at least that’s what we believe.  In truth, we’re really acting for our deaths.)

You have to find at least a couple people you trust, that you can be vulnerable with.  People you don’t try and impress with the silly facades society seems to relish, but people who are impressed with you, just because you’re you.

They know you’re not perfect, and that’s why they love you.  And you love them.  Here’s the ironic thing…

Once you give up the need for approval and show your authentic self, people accept you unconditionally.  And that’s the ultimate approval.

The friends you can’t admit your weaknesses to, aren’t really friends at all.  If you don’t have real friends, find them.  A few tips:

  • Set the intention.
  • Be willing to be vulnerable.
  • Don’t be needy.
  • Be a friend yourself
  • Find ways you can challenge each other in positive ways.
  • Drop the bullshit facades and just be real.

What about you?  Got any tips you’d add?  Please share them below.  (Also, you know I’m back posting here again daily, but everyone else doesn’t.  So can you please use the share buttons above and spread the word?)


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Living in the Real World…

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So last post, I told you that if the people around you aren’t a positive influence – pulling you up and preventing you from dysfunctional behavior – the problem is you.

Why you?

Because you’re in the drivers seat here.  You’re the one orchestrating the interactions and determining who you’re interacting with.  Here’s the reality:

Most of us surround ourselves with people who give us permission to stay the way we are.

You have to counter program against that. You need to surround yourself with some people who challenge you. Get in your grill. Tell you the truth; not just what you want to hear.

Here’s another dynamic.  We’re spending so much time looking at people’s social media depiction of their lives these days, we’ve lost touch with reality.

Understand something: those pix from your friends on Facebook and Instagram of their tropical vacations, sushi dinners with cool people, and front row seats at the U2 concert aren’t representative of their real lives.  Nobody puts a pic on Instagram of their divorce hearing, and no one updates Facebook to say that they feel they’re about to relapse into their addiction.

Life is a blessing; life is a chore.  Life is effortless; life is arduous.  Life is joy; life is sorrow.

And everything in between…

So the first step to creating a circle of people around you who impact you positively, is staying in touch with reality.  Knowing your life isn’t perfect, and their lives aren’t perfect either.  If you try to portray to everyone around you that your life is only unicorns, moonbeams and bliss, you’re cheating both them and yourself.

Don’t be afraid to let the people who are important to you know when things aren’t going perfect.  You can’t have a real relationship any other way.  And don’t try to “protect” the people close to you from knowing about your inner demons like depression, suicidal thoughts, or addiction.  Doing that can become a death sentence.

You have to create a safe environment where you can be real with them, and they can be real with you.

Not everyone.  Not all your Facebook friends.  But with at least a couple of your real friends.

So how do you attract and keep people who know the real you, and will help you become the better you?  We’ll explore that deeper tomorrow.  Until then, please share your thoughts below.


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The Problem is You

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Remember this recent post about getting the right people around you? People who love you enough to call you on your stuff – when you’re acting out, or doing other harmful or self-destructive behavior.  Someone asked what happens when you don’t have them? 

Bad shit.

Really.  If you don’t have people around you to check things out, you enter an echo chamber where your confirmation bias about things eventually leads you to self-delusion.

One of the commenters on that post said he felt he had good people around him, but they’re not really acting as a check on potentially addictive behavior.

So what’s the cause?

In scenarios like this, most of the time, the problem isn’t with the people around you.  The problem is YOU.

But you probably knew that already.  So what do you have to change?  That’s what we’ll explore in the next post.  Until then, please share any thoughts you have below.


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Sacrificing for Your Dreams

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Everyone today seems to be looking for shortcuts, “hacks,” and other ways to achieve their goals or dreams with the minimum amount of effort.  And there’s certainly something to be said for doing things in the most productive, direct and fastest way.  But you need to make sure the path you choose isn’t going to diminish the results you’re really seeking…

There are many things – things that really matter to you – where you have to be willing to pay the price.

In the last post we explored tips for setting goals you’ll actually achieve.  But we didn’t address a very important element of goal achievement: the sacrifices you must be willing to make.

The real secret of manifesting prosperity is deciding what you’re willing to give up now – to get what you really want later.

The cost of living your dreams can be high.  But it’s a lot cheaper that living a life of mediocrity….

– RG

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Setting Goals You Actually Achieve

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We’ve had a great week of posts, looking at performance achievements, setting up learning agendas, and then how balance factors into the equation.  Now let’s tie that all together and see how you can apply the same principles to your goal setting.

The type of goals you select and the nature of each, dramatically influences your prospect of accomplishing them.  Here’s my go-to checklist for setting goals:

  • They need to be your goals. (Research shows the goals pushed on you by bosses or family have dismal levels of realization.)
  • The goal should be built on your strengths, not for fixing a weakness. (For all the reasons we discussed in the last four posts.)
  • Goals supported by a mindful learning agenda have prodigious levels of accomplishment.
  • The goal should be quantifiable and measurable. Goals like “write better” don’t really get you anywhere.
  • You want to create “sticky” goals: goals so enticing, powerful, and compelling, they pull you toward achieving them!

Got any other strong goal achievement tips? Please share them below. And have an amazing weekend. I’ll check in on the other side.


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The Big Lie about Balance

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So in the earlier posts this week, we discussed creating a learning agenda to help you become a better person along the way to accomplishing your goals.  And I weighed in with the belief that most of the time, you’re better working more on an area you’re great in – rather than spending effort to try and bring all of your weak areas up to the same level as your strong ones.

The best analogy I can give you here in life balance…

How many times do you see authors, bloggers, or coaches telling you to work on your life balance?  But balance is a myth, and not something you ever truly want to achieve.

If you have an opportunity to take your company public and sell it to Mark Zuckerberg for a billion dollars, you might choose to consciously get out of balance tilted toward work for a year.

But if your elderly parent received a terminal medical diagnosis and had only 90 days to live, you’d probably choose to take time off from work and consciously get out of balance tilted toward your loved one.

Trying to bring up all areas to an equal level of balance will never create an ideal life.

The real secret to balance is mindfully choosing which areas you want to be out of balance in.

What do you think?  Please check in below.  And tomorrow we’ll explore how you can apply the same principle to goals.


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Learning Agendas for Leaders

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In the last post we looked at how you can create a learning agenda for yourself.  This is a powerful process because instead of just focusing on achieving a goal, you’re actually working on who you want to become.  Today, let’s explore some other cool ways to apply this idea.

Let’s say you want to become a better leader.  Maybe you’ve been told by your boss that you are deficient in certain skills for leadership.  Or you took one of those psychological profile tests that highlighted specific areas you are weak.

Suppose that you are made aware that you need to be a better communicator.  People leave your meetings not sure what they’re supposed to do.  They’re anxious because they don’t know the targets they’re working toward.  You could start a learning agenda at becoming a rock star presenter, as we discussed yesterday.  Then you could extrapolate how you can use those platform communication skills in smaller venues, like a staff meeting.

Let’s suppose you find out that what is really preventing you from becoming a better leader is a lack of empathy abilities…

You could create an amazing learning agenda for this by deciding to read one book a month on the subject, and finding a couple blogs or YouTube channels devoted to empathy.  Then you might really supercharge your agenda by adding in some real life experience and become a coach for your daughter’s Pee Wee football team, and volunteering one day a month, feeding people at a homeless shelter.

When you do some critical thinking and construct a learning agenda in this way, you craft a much more powerful end result.  You reach goals and become a better, wiser, or more talented person.

In the next post, we will look at the commonalities (and the problems) between developing learning agendas and finding balance in your life.  Until then, I’d love to see your suggestions on learning agendas for leadership skills.

– RG

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Creating a Learning Agenda

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So on yesterday’s post, we looked at the benefit of creating a learning agenda, instead of simply trying to fill a gap in skills.  So what does that look like and how do you do it?

Let me share how I practice this program.

I’m all for improving my faults and weaknesses.  But I don’t want to do it at the expense of improving my strengths.  Because eight times out of ten, you will actually get superior results by spending that time and/or effort increasing action in the areas you’re already great in.

It’s certainly not the case in every situation.  But most of the time, you will get a better end result by increasing effort in the areas you already crush in, than focusing on trying to bring all your skills up to balance.

Example: I have a gift for connecting with people in my blog, books, and on the platform.  But I want to have a bigger impact and reach more people across the globe.  So I can work on a performance achievement plan, like getting my books translated into other languages.  I could have some of my most-liked quotes translated and put on slides.  Some of my videos could be subtitled.  (I’ve actually done all that with good results.)

But imagine the difference if I could speak direct to more people in their native language.  So I created a learning agenda to become fluent in different languages, beginning with Spanish.

I bought a Rosetta Stone course and began lessons.  Next I discovered the DuoLingo app and switched over to that.  Learning a language requires daily practice.  So my learning agenda became doing at least two lessons a day in the app, reading Spanish blogs, and watching some Spanish YouTube videos.  I go to more places I can practice my Spanish, and 30% of my workout playlists are now Dandy Yankee, Marc Anthony, Enrique Iglesias, and Wisin.  My default radio station is now Pitbull’s Globalization on SiriusXM, which is a steady diet of Spanglish.

So far I’m 70% fluent in Spanish.  So not only am I able to better communicate with millions of people, but I’ve also developed a skill that enriches my life in many other ways.

Other examples: I realized that to be a world-class communicator today, I needed to become fluent in social media.  So I set a learning agenda and did that.  (And am continuing on this.)  This is the same sort of process I’ve used for becoming a writer, playing softball, and numerous other areas.

So rather than just setting a specific goal to accomplish – what about if you created a learning agenda for developing yourself in an area?

Suppose your boss told you that you have to address 300 people and you’ve never given a speech before.  You could concentrate on the goal of delivering that speech effectively, and not messing it up.  Nothing wrong with that goal.  Or you could create a learning agenda on how to become a rock star presenter.

So a learning agenda to become a rock star presenter might look something like this:

  • Join a Toastmasters group.
  • Commit to making two formal presentations every month and find a mentor who would agree to critique them.
  • Start attending meetings at your local chapter of the National Speakers Association.
  • Watch one video of a great speech every week on YouTube and analyze it for lessons you can apply.
  • Read one book a month on presentation skills.
  • Study comedians, magicians, and musicians for platform skills that you can apply as a speaker.

Now you certainly will achieve your goal, which is to deliver an effective speech as your boss desires.  But you’d also be developing a powerful new skill that will help you in your current job, your future jobs, and many other areas of your life.

What do you think about the idea of learning agendas?  Please share your thoughts below.  And tomorrow we’ll explore some other benefits they can provide you.

– RG

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The Problem with Just Fixing Gaps

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It seems like everyone is creating plans to improve their performance in different areas.  The idea behind this is that you set up remedial routines that will “fix” gaps in your skills, leadership style, or habits.  I get this process, as there are certainly some good reasons for doing that.

The problem comes when you get defensive and become fixated on “proving” you’ve effectively dealt with the issue, by reaching a certain goal or performance result.

So how about you take it one step deeper?

And that would be creating a learning agenda.  A learning agenda actually shifts the focus to who you become.  You develop into the person who indeed does achieve the performance goals or accomplishments.  So the accomplishment is not a “one of” thing, but a transformational development for you.

Here’s an example of what the distinction between the two approaches would mean.  Instead of pursuing the accomplishment to crush the presentation with the Board of Directors – you actually are working to become a better communicator.  Now instead of just achieving a goal, you’re truly creating a lifelong change, and improving yourself in a meaningful way.

So what does a learning agenda look like?  We’ll explore that on tomorrow’s post.  Until then, please share your thoughts on the subject with the community.


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Creating Expectations

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It’s simply astounding how much expectations determine your ultimate reality.  And certainly there are lots of people who would advise you to be “realistic,” or don’t act too bold for fear you could get disappointed.  They usually mean well.

But that advice won’t help you lead a better life…

If I could tell you just one thing about goals, it would be this: If you only set goals that you know you can achieve, you’ll never tap into anything near your potential.

Great expectations, develop great capabilities, and create great results.

So what are you expecting for yourself?


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Preventing Self-Delusion

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Last post we discussed how your ego defense mechanisms can become so strong that they lead you into self-delusion. Which unfortunately happens to millions of people. You don’t want to be one of them.

The best way I know to avoid this is having at least one, and hopefully two or three, people in your life that you can use to check things out.

These are people who know you well, love you and want the highest good for you.  And most importantly, they will be brutally honest with you.  Brutally honest, with love.

When they think you treated someone unfairly and owe them an apology, they’ll tell you.  If you’re dealing with addiction, dysfunctional relationships, or other self-destructive behavior – they won’t be afraid to step in, because they love you enough to confront you.  If your ego is getting out of control and you’re heading towards narcissism, they’ll give you a wake up call.

They’ll do all this for you because they love you and want the highest good for you – and they know that you will provide the same check for them.

These kinds of relationship are difficult and require serious effort to maintain them.  But ultimately, they the only ones that will make a real difference in who you become.

This total and unvarnished honestly is the highest value I have in my own relationships.  And I’m fortunate enough to have developed five or six such relationships in my life.

How about you?

How many have you developed?  You really need to think about that and know who they are.  And if you don’t have any yet, you need to change that quickly!

– RG

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When Ego Runs Amuck

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In yesterday’s post, we looked at when it’s good to lie to yourself.  You can actually empower yourself with positive belief.  But this sometimes comes with a dark side…

And that’s when our ego defense mechanisms go too far.  They distort our ability to self-assess ourselves, and we cross over into self-delusion. Now we’ve moved from simply having an optimistic worldview, to drinking our own bathwater.

You can see examples of this with people with narcissistic disorders like Donald Trump.   Their insecurities won’t allow them to accept any facts that don’t portray themselves in a favorable light.  Or monsters like Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, who convince themselves that the pain and abuse they inflict on others isn’t really harmful.

Usually these circumstances don’t happen overnight. It’s a progressive slide into the abyss, making one small validation or excuse at a time—until you wake up one day and suddenly you’re past the point of no return.

So how can you avoid this?

The best defense is surrounding yourself with the right people.  This is a huge part of the environment you create around yourself to keep things in perspective.

Which is where we will pick up on tomorrow’s post.  Until then, please share your thoughts on all this below.




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Lie to Yourself!

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Everybody lies to himself or herself. If you want to become healthy, happy, and prosperous – it pays to know the best way to lie to yourself.

We all have – and need – ego defense mechanisms.  Although they get a bad rap in most self-development literature, they can serve an advantageous purpose.  In fact, there are numerous studies that demonstrate high achievers are much more optimistic and positive about their prospects than the average person.   This “rose colored glasses” view of their world causes them to create more enthusiasm and energy for the projects they tackle.  And they tackle more ambitious ones as well.

I always believe I’m going to get a hit when I step in the batters box, and I believe every book I write is going to be a bestseller.  Because I mentally tell myself these kinds of beneficial lies, I actually increase my chances of success.

Just like you will, if you skew your worldview – or at least your view of yourself in the world – to a positive one.

Now you may worry about crossing the line.  Getting in a situation where your self-delusion is harmful, not empowering.  And this is certainly a real issue to be concerned with.  And the one we’ll take on in tomorrow’s post.  In the meantime, please check in below in the comments, and share your thoughts on this.


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